Do you like threesomes

The threesome and its pitfalls: where do you find the third person?

Two women, one man or two men and one woman or three women or three men? - whatever the constellation: the threesome is one of the most popular sex fantasies. However, there is often a lack of implementation - and so for many it remains with the wish. But why?

A favorite erotic fantasy - both men and women - is the threesome. Men mainly dream of sex with two women - women, on the other hand, are more open: According to surveys, they would try sex with two men as well as with two women.

But trying it out is sometimes not that easy. Because on the one hand you have to find the right partner and on the other hand you really have to trust yourself. And anyway: where do you actually look? How do you address the desire for another playmate with your partner?

The biggest hurdles for a threesome

Even before that happens, you can worry too much that will keep you from fulfilling your dream. Anyone who loses courage with these little hurdles would probably, if it comes to the act of three, rather pinch shortly before the goal. So it is not surprising that, according to a study, just one in four men and every sixth woman actually had sex with two people at the same time.

Problem one: I'm in a partnership and the subject of jealousy is in the room

But what do most women and men really think of the fulfillment of their sexual fantasies? Jealousy! For almost 50 percent, it is the reason not to turn their dream into reality.

Even when both of you are open to a threesome in a relationship, there are obstacles. Women and men fear, for example, that their counterpart could be significantly more attractive than they are, or that their partner might subsequently fall in love with their playmate. Maybe the third person is also better in bed. This stirs up the fear that later acts of love for two could only seem like a laughing stock.

The only thing that helps is talking, talking, talking - openly and honestly. How does your partner actually feel on the subject? A gentle touch with an indirect address can make sense here: "My girlfriend recently had a threesome", for example. Or: "I've read that men and women would rather have a threesome than sex with a much younger partner." The reaction of the other then shows very well how he or she feels about the topic.

If the partner is in the mood and both trust each other, two important points must be clarified beforehand: Is it done voluntarily or just out of love? And: what is possible and what is not? If one does it only for the sake of the partner, limits can quickly be exceeded, which could later have a negative effect on the relationship.

Problem 2: where do you find the third person?

There are numerous ways to find the third party in the league. On the one hand there are advertisements - but you never know who is hiding behind them - on the other hand there are clubs or specialized platforms on the Internet. These options offer the opportunity to see photos of the other sex partner and not have to go on a kind of blind date. Apps like Feeld - formerly known as 3nder - or now also Tinder make it possible to search for a threesome from the sofa or bed. But there are also organizations and escort agencies that arrange threesomes with professionals and thus offer more security for the candidates.

Problem 3: How do you overcome your shame?

The first time is always exciting and sometimes you need a little courage. So that your own threesome premiere does not turn out to be a flop, it can help to have a person in your league who already has some experience - it is best if it is the "new", third person, as they are more neutral and is not biased. In this way you can avoid faux pas and dare to try something new.

And what can singles do?

In my opinion, you shouldn't hide your sexual fantasies, but try to live them out - if possible. Of course, it is best when you can do it with your own partner.

As a single you don't have to do without the fulfillment of your wishes. After all, there are enough platforms and events to help you with that. Or you ask your closest friends whether they can recommend someone - or maybe even want to participate. Then you don't just have to rave about your fantasies, you can also experience them with them.

Jennifer Buchholz, Editor at, writes in her column "Lust, Vice, Love" about love, partnership and sex.

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