What are some upbeat intros

Intros talk differently. Extros too. This is made clear by Chancellor Angela Merkel and theater maker Martin Kusej.

When asked about her cooking skills, the Chancellor says: "My husband rarely complains". The understatement is typically introverted. The director expresses himself more directly: “I'm a great cook.” That is typically extraverted: you formulate your expert status boldly.

One style of communication is no worse than the other. But whether in customer contact or in a mixed team - when intros and extros sit at the table, the difference in speaking behavior causes irritation:

  • The inward-looking introverts often feel inferior and sometimes under-fed when talking to extraverts.
  • The outward-looking extraverts fear that introverts might dismiss them as superficial and self-portrayal.


Intro-Extro Test: Am I Introverted Or Extroverted?

Not sure whether you are more of an intro or an extro? Then take a minute for what is probably the fastest intro-extro test in the world.

Intro-Extro Communication: You Must Know These 7 Differences

If conversations between extraverts and introverts go bumpy, it is due to small but crucial differences in communication behavior.

Difference # 1: In developing thoughts

Intros think first and then express themselves. That's why they rarely throw out a half-baked idea. In return, their contributions often have more substance. Intro tip: Dare to be spontaneous! Not every contribution has to be ready for printing!

Extros develop their thoughts while speaking. What they say sometimes sounds unfinished, but they speak longer and more often than intros and seem more committed. Extro tip: Intro conversation partners feel overstimulated by haphazard talk and fight back. Take a 1-second break before speaking. The effect is immediately audible: you sound more competent and well thought-out.

Difference # 2: In terms of social distance

Intros appreciate personal space and do not want to impose themselves. You avoid crowding and physical contact. Intro tip: Whether shaking hands or an email with the greeting: When dealing with extros, it can make sense to create a tiny trace more closeness.

Extros They like to be the center of attention, they don't mind the crowd and crowds. Hugs, pats on the back and high-five are common as well as the phrase "love greetings", sometimes also at work. Extro tip: Give intros enough space - and don't offer the you at the first contact.

Difference # 3: During the breaks

Intros usually lead to long pauses in conversation. During this time they process what has been said and weigh their next words. Intro tip: Be aware that extro people quickly find a break in conversation uncomfortable.

Extros find it unbearable when the conversation is about to ebb. You can bridge a break in your conversation partner by continuing to talk. Extro tip: Hold out breaks, look at your intro counterpart in a friendly wait-and-see manner.

Difference # 4: In the volume

Intros usually speak more quietly and monotonously than extros. Your speeches appear factual, but also colorless. That is why they are sometimes less popular than they deserve. Intro tip: Train yourself to speak more vividly than usual with extraverted interlocutors.

Extros usually speak louder and faster than intros, vary the sentence melody more strongly and articulate more emphatically. Your speeches cannot be overheard. Extro tip: Intros trust you more if you speak a little more calmly and objectively than usual.

Difference # 5: In handling subjects

Intros like to go into depth and deal with topics in detail. Intro tip: Change the subject when an extro talker seems bored. Especially when it comes to small talk, the more topics that are touched on, the more likely there is something for everyone.

Extros often jump from topic to topic and stay on the surface. Extro tip: Go deeper into a topic when you notice that your intro conversation partner is interested in what is currently being talked about.

Difference # 6: In the choice of words

Intros formulate as modest and sober as they are. That is objective - but it means that an intro success never sounds as exciting as that of an extro. Intro tip: Dare a little more emotion. Instead of “okay” you can also say: perfect, excellent, great, I'm happy, thank you very much ...

Extros describe the exact same achievement in enthusiastic terms. Most don't do this to make themselves important. They just love to be enthusiastic and it is part of their nature to emphasize the positive. Extro tip: You appear more sympathetic to an intro conversation partner if you comment on your successes self-deprecatingly and with understatement.


Difference # 7: Upon eye contact

Intros speak highly concentrated. Therefore, when they speak, they turn their attention inward and avert their eyes. When listening, on the other hand, they tend to fixate on the other person in order to grasp every detail.

Extros consciously and skillfully make eye contact while speaking. When listening, however, their gaze wanders quickly - a sign that they are not on the point.

Intro and extra tip: Find an average level for eye contact. Make sure to keep in touch by looking at both while talking and listening - without staring at the person you are talking to, of course.

Intro-extro communication: This is how you stop talking past each other

You now know exactly how intros and extros differ in communication. Be aware of these differences in the future! You will find: If you mirror the behavior of the person you are talking to, communication works better straight away.

By the way: You will also benefit from attentively responding to your interlocutor. The most successful way of communicating is those who have the strengths of both personality types in their repertoire: the calm, reflective style of conversation of the intros as well as the optimistic, self-confident way of speaking of the extros.

The contents of this article are from the chapter “Unfold in Conversation” in my book Quiet wins taken.


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