What is killing you inside
Inner emptiness - how to fill it again
Do you feel an inner emptiness, even when you are in the company of many people? Do you lie cuddled up close to your partner at night and still feel alone? Do you constantly make your well-being dependent on confirmation from others?
These are just a few of the many possible situations we can experience when we feel empty inside. Regardless of social status or professional success, everyone can experience this feeling in the course of their life.
You are not alone in the world with such feelings. It is all the more important to learn to deal with them well.
In this article you will learn what inner emptiness is and how you can fill it again.
How does inner emptiness feel?
People who feel empty inside have the feeling that they are only silent observers of their own lives. They are restless, have doubts about themselves and feel a longing for recognition. Constant feelings of depression, incompleteness, or loneliness can tear a huge hole in us. We are now trying to plug this hole by all means.
Similar to our stomach, which grumbles when we are hungry, you can imagine the inner emptiness as a hunger for meaning, for self-control and completeness. Often we do not seriously look for the right nourishment for this emotional hunger. Instead, we start looking for alternative solutions to fill our inner emptiness.
Impulse-like eating, excessive alcohol and drug consumption, excessive shopping behavior, and obsessive-compulsive clinging to certain people can be examples of such behavior. However, the satisfaction we achieve in this process lasts only for a very short time. Like a food cravings attack, it needs to be fed again quickly. In many cases, this behavior can develop into seriously addictive behavior.
A dangerous vicious circle arises: We become afraid that we will no longer get rid of the inner emptiness and that we will no longer regain access to our needs. Therefore we start to avoid situations in which we feel the inner emptiness particularly strongly. With this behavior, however, we further isolate ourselves from our surroundings. It only makes us feel more lonely and helpless. Anxiety disorders and depression can be the result.
How does inner emptiness arise?
Inner emptiness can arise in very different ways. Sudden events such as the loss of an important person, a job or even homesickness can be a trigger, as can an early traumatic experience. However, such a situation alone is not enough for the creation of inner emptiness. The most important thing is how we rate them.
Psychologists basically differentiate between two ways of evaluating:
- At external ratings let us look for the reason for an event occurring in our environment or in the abilities of other people.
- At inner evaluations let us relate the cause of an event to ourselves and our own abilities.
If life was only about cultivating and maintaining our self-worth, then it would be most beneficial to explain our successes in terms of our own abilities. On the other hand, we would ascribe failure to other factors or people.
When we feel an inner emptiness, on the other hand, we tend to behave in exactly the opposite way. As soon as something doesn't work, we quickly persuade ourselves that we are not good enough. When we have a sense of achievement, on the other hand, we just think we have been lucky. Due to this misinterpretation and the lack of pride in our own successes, our self-esteem and confidence in our own abilities suffer and decrease.
We learn such evaluation patterns already in childhood and save them - like other behavior patterns - subconsciously. In everyday life we don't worry about how we walk or talk, for example. Likewise, we seldom question the way we evaluate them. Unfortunately, this also makes a distorted and very negative evaluation pattern seem quite normal to us. This is another reason why we find it so difficult to get rid of the inner emptiness.
What you can do about it
Since behavior and evaluations are learnable processes, we have four tips for you with which you can learn to conquer your inner emptiness.
Try to deal intensively with yourself, your emotions and thoughts and to reflect. To do this, you can, for example, keep a diary of your thoughts, feelings, fears and wishes. By writing them down, you make them observable for you and bring them out from within. Meditation or yoga can also help you get to the bottom of your thoughts and feelings.
Instead of filling your inner emptiness with addictive and consumer substances for a short time, look for significant activities and experiences that bring new impressions and memories. Focus on things that are good for you or things that you've always wanted to do.
Scientific studies have also shown that happiness and contentment are perceived more intensely when you share your experiences with other people. Find a new sport, do something new with your friends or go on a trip with your family.
3Concentrate on people who mean something to you
Inner emptiness can also be so agonizing because one has made oneself dependent on the approval and approval of other people. Social society and personal contacts are important for your own well-being. At the same time, however, it is important to ensure that for some people you are only a means to an end. Remember those people who are important to you, who enrich your life and who also care about you. It can help you to open up to these people and share your inner emptiness with them.
If the above tips do not help you to face your inner emptiness or you need help with it, psychotherapy can be the right step for you. This is especially important if you feel this inner emptiness for a long time and there is no improvement despite your attempts to solve the problem.
In our article we wrote down how you can quickly and easily find a place in psychotherapy - also in your area.
If you cannot find a place in therapy or if you have concerns about conventional therapy, our HelloBetter Training Depression Prevention, which focuses on securing your joie de vivre, can help you to fill your inner emptiness.
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